Bye, bye KDP Select it’s been fun but . . .

Amazon

there’s someone else. 


And no, you don’t know him. It’s not Smashwords. I know, he and I have had our little flings in the past but he was too OCD, you know the type, not validated this, copyright page that, no indents, lots of indents… I couldn’t keep up.

My author introduced me to D2D and he isn’t the poor man’s little robot brother from Star Wars, before you ask. He’s laid-back and easy to approach. Our eyes met and that, as they say, was that. 


He was also quick. You took forever! There is only so much foreplay a girl can take before her mind starts to wander.

What do you mean, I’m shallow?


You wouldn’t let me see my friends or even my family! I had to be exclusive to you and it was hard when I saw other books proudly showing off their other formats. You do realise that ‘different format’ is what shoes are to most female humans. One can never have too many.


We’ll still be friends, KDP Select, and I’m not leaving you completely because I adore your big brother. But before we part company, I’d like to leave you with a present. Me.


I’m free for the last time.


Foreplay allowed.

Mwuh!

The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch, therefore I am 
is the modern equivalent of Cinderella. 

Valerie Anthrope is ‘Cinderella’ but her emotions are playing the ugly sisters. A well-meaning friend is the fairy godmother, and a sexy “bed ’em and leave ’em” playboy is Prince Charming. The glass slipper is a kitten and the pumpkin is Tim the boring accountant.
Can the playboy change his ways to save Valerie from herself? Will the fairy godmother’s matchmaking end in tears or become a happy ever after?
And will Tim ever stop being boring?
I doubt it.


A dark chick lit for ladies who like heart-warming tales with lots of giggles.
FREE
9th/10th July
(check that Amazon has made it free before purchase)

Aw, sorry you missed the freebie. But I’m still cheap. Only a couple of dollars (or pounds). Hey, that’s cheaper than the energy pills my character likes to pop and the hourly rate she’d like to pay her staff if she could get away with it. Well, it is I bitch, therefore I am!

FREE chick lit! Shame about the blurb!

by 
Louise Wise

Some
writers hate writing the synopsis while others hate the editing. Me?
I detest the blurb. Unlike the synopsis you have to make it exciting!
Make it sound like it’s full of exclamation marks without using them!
That’s how one writer advised me once, anyway!



OK, I’ll stop using them now. 
The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch therefore I am is only obtainable on Kindle at
the moment, but soon it will be made available as a paperback. And that means I
want my blurb to be perfect (I can easily change my Kindle doc.).
Here are
my chosen blurbs:
Available at the following:
Amazon.UK
Amazon.com
(1) Welcome
to the dark side of chick lit
. (Love this bit! Will keep this.)
Valerie
Anthrope is a woman not on the edge, but in an abyss. Love and friendship have
become memories, and are numbed in her heart.
(A bit Mills and Boon?) And that’s fine with her. She
doesn’t want to disturb them, because awakened, people die
. (Sounds like a horror novel!)
Valerie
doesn’t know it but her heart is about to thaw and her curse is about to erupt. 

(2)
Valerie is trapped in an abyss of
unhappy memories. She is a woman on the edge and most people are happy for her
to stay there. Everyone is doing just fine without her. But when she begins to
thaw, and the terrible secrets surface, her world is changed forever. Do you
still want to be her friend
? (Short and sweet, but does it sound like chick lit? Hmm, not sure.)
Welcome,
to the dark side of chick lit…
(so love this bit.)
(3) Valerie’s
life fell apart a long time ago, the crux of her, like a mismatched jigsaw, is
pieced together in a vacuum of independence and self-preservation so strong
no-one is brave enough to see that it is all an act
. (OMG! A little bit Wuthering Heights, dontcha think?)
Love and
friendship remain memories; buried in her subconscious. She can’t disturb them,
because unearthed, people die.
(Maybe I should write horror?)
Lex
Kendal is prepared for the consequences, but will it unleash Valerie’s curse?
Welcome,
to the dark side of chick lit.
(Told you I loved this bit!)
(4)  How fragile is the human mind? Nurture or
nature? What makes us us?
(A bit documentaryish?)
Valerie Anthrope is a cut-throat business woman and happy being alone.
She answers to no-one. She’s The Boss.
(Oooh, if I hadn’t of written this
book, I’d have bought it because of that line! How clever am I!)
But enter Ellen in the guise of her fairy godmother wanting to make the
world rosy and smelling of marshmallow.
(Marshmallow? Maybe not so clever,
after all!)
How can Valerie cope with this burst of
sunshine? It gets worse, Ellen has a nephew who’s equally chirpy, but he thinks
it’s Valerie taking advantage of Ellen and sets out to take
her down a peg or two! (
Better. But where’s the ‘welcome
to the dark side of chick lit’ gone? Should I keep it?)
(5)  Follow The ‘fall’
(see, what I did there? Clever? Stupid?) of the Misanthrope. A dark chick
lit
(got the ‘dark’ back in) that’s filled with humour and
warmth, and heart-wrenching moments of heartache when she discovers her heart can be
thawed. 
Valerie lost everything she cared about years ago, and she keeps on
losing those she loves. Not any more. Valerie is so determined to never to feel
that emotional pain again that she vows never to fall in love. Ever.

(6)  Valerie
Anthrope lives alone, and works alone. She is a bitch that no one wants to be
around, and that suits her fine. B
ut busybody, Ellen, is watching her and wants to ‘mend’ Valerie. In
fact, she makes it her mission. She thinks she’s a struggling broker for Sunny
Oak Brokerage and coerces her rich nephew into buying insurance. But nephew Lex
wants Valerie to become another notch on his bedpost.
While Valerie brings Lex down a peg or three, Lex teaches Valerie that
life is for the living. Only neither Lex nor Ellen realise that Valerie is
cursed, and the very reason that she is a bitch is that it keeps people from
dying.
(Too long? Not chick littey enough?)
(7)   Welcome,
to the dark side of chick lit
. (Yay!)
Being a
misanthropist is Valerie Anthrope’s defence.
She is a cut-throat business woman and happy being alone. She answers to
no-one. She has no time for romantic
trivialities, and definitely no time for Ellen who nominates herself as her
fairy godmother.
(I like! Think I’m getting the hang of this now!)
But what of Ellen’s playboy nephew? The one who Ellen coerces into
buying insurance from Valerie’s brokerage? The one who is full of himself and
smitten with Valerie’s cool demeanour. His cocky know-it-all manner, posse of
female admirers and playboy reputation are more than enough to put Valerie off
– or is it enough to keep her interested? After all, being in a relationship
with a playboy means there’s no burden of commitment.
Or is there?

Anyway, The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch
therefore I am
is FREE this weekend 21st – 24th
September. But in the meant time, if you’ve any suggestions for the blurb…?