“You are nothing but a half breed, retard. Nobody would ever love something as ugly as you…”
Accepting the truth from the age of five, I saw nothing, felt nothing and said nothing to anyone. Taught my place early in life, I was a quiet child. Apologetic for everything even when it wasn’t my fault. I took my punishment because I knew I deserved it. He said I did, and thus it must be true.
A lonely childhood with a friend or two wasn’t so bad. And as the years brought me to my sixteenth birthday, I witnessed the horror of my mother, beaten before me by the man who controlled our lives with an iron fist. That day changed me forever. That day, I took a stand. For the first time in my life, I fought back.
Confronting my stepfather earned my freedom. Kicked out of the family home, I came face to face with the harsh reality of the world around me. Unable to finish school in order to find work and help support myself, I watched all my dreams of freedom turn to dust. No high school diploma meant no college. Meaning I “was” the waste of space my stepfather proclaimed I would be.
Working over the next few years, I saved in the hopes to buy a home. A place I could call mine.
But life was ready to challenge me again. I was so close to my dreams, and then disaster struck.
Cancer. At twenty years old, the doctors gave me three, maybe five years to live. Again, I saw my dreams vanish.
Until a man enters my life and challenges everything, I thought I knew about life and love.
This is my story.
My father was a stern man and made no compromises. He demanded respect and obedience. Rightly or wrongly, he was in control, and I locked horns with him many, many times.
As the eldest, I grew up with an understanding of how a man is supposed to act. That he has a sense of honor and duty to family. I defended my siblings as much as I lovingly teased them and at age sixteen, I took my first job. Moved out and grew into a man that I’m sure my father despised. Not that I give a damn. I wasn’t put on this earth to be liked.
I had dreams that changed in reflection to my age growing up. Football player as a young boy, Formula one driver as a teenager and becoming famous with my band in my twenties. As my life sped by, darkness claws at me. Nightmares of my past haunt me. Nobody would want a man such as I.
On the verge of my thirties, I travel to North Carolina for the second time in my life. Leaving cold, wet England behind. Hoping to change my life for the better by living the dream in the good old US of A, I found more than I expected. I found true love.
This is my story.
Warning: Adult readers only. Disclaimer. Contains adult themes and explicit sex scenes.