I’m a placid type of person. Not easily riled. But inside a car I’m a MONSTER! If someone cuts me up, sits on my tail, hesitates too long, I turn in to Mrs Hulk! I wind down the window, stick my head out and yell like a fishwife.
If they are on my behind I flash my fog lights (they think I’m braking and pull back), or I become Driving Miss Daisy and refuse to go above 10 mph.
My husband, in the passenger seat, makes strange hand movements, usually with clenched fists and white knuckles. My particular favourite gesture is when he cowers down in the seat and covers his entire head. So sweet.
But, hey, it isn’t my driving that’s the problem. It’s the others. I’ve compiled a list of road users:
Middle Lane Hoggers: You know the kind, they sit in the middle lane so if you want to overtake you have to move two lanes just to get in front of them. Grrrr
Sunday Drivers: They drive slooooowy, looking at scenery, pointing out things of interest to their passengers and suddenly stopping when they spot a landmark.
Boy Racers: These undertake, cut you up, drive with their music blaring from an open window. Don’t give them eye contact. It’ll make them think you admire them.
White Van Drivers: These are closely related to Lorry/Truck Drivers. Very arrogant with their large vehicles and their ability to look down on other road users–literally. Overtake them, accidentally or not, and they’ll NEVER forgive you. I watched Duel and, trust me, these things could happen!
Mummy Drivers: These are usually turned the other way with one hand on the stirring wheel the other holding a tissue and wiping snot or vomit from a child on the back seat.
Chick Lit Readers: Perfect.
Get it for 77p or 99c while you can…
A Proper Charlie
jolly good fun!
What happens when prostitutes go missing, and Charlie’s shy boss, Ben Middleton, is a suspect?