Why family shouldn’t review your book…

especially your mum!

I’d only checked my book’s ranking yesterday, but you
never know. I click onto Amazon and type my name into the product line. Up come
my books, and I bring up 
Eden, my sci-fi/romance. It has been doing well lately so I’m keen to
see if there are any reviews as well as to see if its rank has improve.

Not only has it climbed I have a review! My heart does a little
jump of pleasure. And, better, it’s a five-star review! Oh, joy.
I’m imagining the chocolates I can crack open in celebration.

The title of the review reads: Fan!
Tas! Tic!

I begin to read feeling like a
starving woman on the point of finding a feast of chocolate-covered goodies.

I loved, loved, LOVED Eden. I read
it in one sitting and I hope there is Eden 2, and maybe 3 and 4 as well. Steven
Spielberg should produce Eden into a film with Sean Connery playing the lead.

My heart did another funny little
jump, but not in pleasure this time. I think, at the mention of Connery, it curled into a
foetal position with its heart hands covering its heart head.  

You see Sean Connery is my mum’s favourite
actor. In fact, in her eyes, he should play EVERY male lead in EVERY film ever

I continue reading, 

It’s a made for TV book! It deserves to be on the screen! In 3D!
Oh my God! It had to be my mum. I didn’t think she’d read Eden. She’s more a Catherine Cookson/Jane Austen reader, and openly detests contemporary romance.  I look to the name of the


Cracking open the chocolates in my
head changes into pulling the lid off a bottle of vodka, pirate style, and
drinking the lot. Unable to help myself I continue to read:

Once Louise Wise forgets she’s
writing silly science mumbo-jumbo, and concentrates on the romance, the story
becomes a JANE AUSTEN classic.

She’s comparing me to her favourite author, and Jane Austen at that? I’ll
never live this down! My name on the Amazon forums will be mud. It’ll be
sticky, gooey mud with bits of bugs in. Maybe poo, as well.

Eden is a romantic retelling of
Beauty and the Beast, although there are a few saucy scenes
in it which has nothing to do with the fairytale! 

Who says “saucy” any more?

It’s very romantic, and I enjoyed
it very much. If you don’t buy this book (and buy one for your friends too) you’ll
be missing out. Buy, buy, BUY! Bye hehehehexxxx

My head flops onto the keyboard; my heart
finally committing suicide.

6 thoughts on “Why family shouldn’t review your book…

  1. Oh, that's funny. Bless 'em!

    Mine hated the sci-fi element and even though I made up that she reviewed it (a TV remote is technical for her, so having a computer and an Amazon account is unthinkable!), she has boasted to anyone who'd listen that my book is made-for-TV. It's embarrassing! 😦

    But I know where you're coming from. Much of my other family are like that. >sighs<


  2. *lol* at least your mum loves yours! My mum can't stand mine. When I mention a good review I get a Bridget Jone's mother style response of 'Oh really dear? Well that's nice that there are others like you out there…taste varies so much now-a-days…'



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